Letter from Egon Schiele to Anton Peschka, 12th Jul. 1913

Transcription:

12th July 1913
Dear A. [Anton] Peschka! It pains me that someone can subject me to accusations of this magnitude without knowing of my dismal experiences. – This is why I am writing to you; even Gerti is not aware, although people think my life is the happiest, how much emotional misery I must suffer. – I don’t know if there is anyone at all who recalls my noble father with this melancholy; I don’t know who can understand why I seek out the very places where my father was, where in my melancholy hours I deliberately experience the pain within me. – I believe in the immortality of all creatures, I believe that fine attire is a surface triviality; I carry within myself the memory that is more or less interwoven. – Why did I paint graves? And many similar pictures? Because that lives on within me. Flowers! Plant asters! Very densely. – Money is the devil! – I do not receive what is due to me, only a deposit and I spent it only on what I absolutely needed. I was in Krumau because it was cheaper there than in Vienna. I was in Munich because I had nothing left and received there 100 Marks from [Hans] Goltz, I was pleased with that. Now comes this. – When I have money I will do what I can; I’m waiting for it. In any case, everything has become so bitter for me that I take no joy in remaining here, even though my stay here would have been extremely useful to finally get some money again.
Warm regards
Egon.